I was chasing my dream. I was going to be a successful rapper and nothing was going to stop me.
At this point, I had been writing and recording songs for 10 years. I had started to fine-tune my craft and develop my image.
I had the low fade with the braids gold grills shining in my mouth like lemonade.
I was dripping in high fashion straight from Saks 5th Avenue in Manhattan.
I was attending networking events and performing at venues all across the city.
But I was living at my parent’s home with my girlfriend and it wasn’t looking too pretty.
Life and financial pressures began weighing on me. On top of that, I began to feel a misalignment within myself. I knew this rapper identity that I had spent my whole life building up wasn’t who I was. But at the same time, I was completely attached to it.
I realized I had to put this dream off to the side and to try other things.
And it was during this process that my identity crumbled.
I no longer knew who I was.
This was a painful time in my life but it was this pain that motivated me to go on a journey of self-discovery.
I stopped drinking alcohol and smoking weed.
I began meditating daily and learned to embrace whatever discomfort may arise.
I stopped spending hours on social media and used that time to read books instead.
I stopped blasting rap music in my car and drove around in silence.
I began personal training clients and started an online business.
I studied everything I could on human nature, psychology, and spirituality.
Then I participated in several plant medicine ceremonies and had a series of mystical experiences.
What I found is best described with this spoken word.
“We think we are the body, we think we are the mind
We think we are these roles we play in space and time
We think we are the name, We think we are the job
We think we are the thoughts, that’s why we thinking hard
We think we’re the emotions, we think we’re the sensations
We think we’re different cultures, we think we’re different nations
But can we stop thinking and experience cessation?
Of all thoughts that got us lost in separation
Deep inside us all lies a distant memory
A Taste of something so sweet
That nothing we eat could remedy
We’re not who we think we are
And I’m not saying we shouldn’t think
Cause Good thinking’s hard
But the truth is beyond thought you couldn’t think this far
So who are you? beyond your beliefs
Beyond your thoughts, beyond the words that you speak
Be honest because the truth sets us free
But lies leave us trapped in a world of deceit
So who are you? Beyond masculine or feminine
Beyond gender or sexual preference
Beyond religion and race
Or ethnicity, or who you follow politically
The truth is we’re all the same I
An expansive awareness like the clear sky
Thoughts are like clouds they come and go
But the sky remains present watching the whole show”
Through my journey, I realized that we are not who we think are.
We think we are the ego which is a complex of identities.
Most of us never question these identities and unconsciously become attached to them.
It is our attachment to these identities that create the illusion of separation. And it is this separation and causes suffering in the world.
In truth, we are that which is witnessing, that which is observing, that which is aware.
We are one organism, one I, we are reality experiencing itself.
Life will ask us to play many different roles. It is our job to play these roles without attachment.
Because attachment is what prevents us from embracing new roles and seeing the bigger picture.
Letting go of my rigid attachment to my identity of an artist allowed the art to flow in ways it couldn’t before.
This understanding allowed me to tune my receiver to a higher frequency.
I am no longer confined to this limiting program.
Today I play many roles including father, entrepreneur, and artist.
But none of the roles I play is who I truly am.
Because no identity can ever define or confine our true, expansive, and limitless nature.
Witness the drama unfold and play the roles you have to play.
But don’t forget that you are the ONE watching the movie.